Not in the Job Description
by Anybraginski
Summary: Emily Jane Pitchiner, or Mother Nature as she's better know, has gotten herself into quite a pickle when she comes across the Guardians and her father, Pitch Black, who have been turned into five year olds. This is not in her job description.


_"Mama!" _

To put it quite simply, your patience was running low. While it may have been true that you were known as Mother Nature, that did NOT, under any circumstances, make you a babysitter. And this was NOT in your job description.

"Mama!" Jack squealed, running up to you. He tugged insistently at your green skirt as though you were the only thing that could make the world right again. Bunnymund followed close behind him, short furry arms crossed defiantly over his chest. Now why exactly was Jack Frost and the Easter Bunny calling you Mama and tugging at your skirts? Because they were five. Why were they five? Wouldn't you like to know. This entire situation was putting you through your paces. You shouldn't even be here and wouldn't have if not for Sandy. This all started when you found Sandman floating through the skies on his dream cloud. It wasn't uncommon to find him there and you'd decided to go by and say hello. Instead of the round golden man you were expecting, you were greeted with the sight of a young child, roughly five years old. It wasn't what you were expecting but without a doubt, the child was Sanderson Mansnoozie. And of course, you couldn't simply leave him. Something was obviously wrong. Sandy was snoozing peacefully on his little cloud and it took you several tries to wake him up. Sandman could sleep through cannon fire if you let him. He stayed awake just long enough to direct you towards a nearby island where the other guardians supposedly were. Picking up the little boy, an incredibly odd feeling considering you almost viewed him as a father figure, you headed off to the island, completely unaware of what you'd just gotten yourself into.

"Mama! Bunny bit me!" Jack shouted, jabbing a finger at said pooka.

"Nah-uh! And even if I did, it's only because Jack froze my fur!" It was true. Bunny's fur all around his head had been frosted into a wild mane. It was quite an impressive feat considering that he was a short hair. When Jack managed to do it, you had no idea and, truthfully, you didn't care. This would have been so much easier if they hadn't kept their powers when they turned five. You'd already had to practically tie down Sandman to keep him from floating away in his sleep.

"Jack, no more frosting other people. And Bunny, no biting!" You shook your finger at them for extra emphasis. The little pooka, tucked back his ears in submission but based on how his nose was twitching, he'd be gnawing on something new before long. You could only hope that whatever it was couldn't scream. Jack was a different matter. He responded by sticking out his tongue indignantly. He was mischievous and hadn't quite learned to fear you just yet. You were about to teach him to when Toothiana ran up to you.

"Mother! Lookie, lookie!" She grinned up at you, purple eyes squinting shut from how wide the smile was and for the life of you, you couldn't figure out what she was trying to show you.

"What is it?" You entertained her, turning your attention away from Bunny and Jack. This was the wrong thing to do as Jack snatched the egg from Bunny's paws and flew away as fast as he could. You might have been a bit more attentive if not for the fact that Aster was much faster than Jack ever was or ever would be. And if/when Bunny got his hands on the frost spirit, a few well placed hits would teach him not to steal someone else's things.

"I gotta loothe tooth!" She blew air through her teeth and one popped out of place, bending forwards awkwardly. She did indeed have a tooth loose. You didn't care. She then proceeded to play with it, pushing it as far forward or backwards as it would go with her tongue. You could only hope that Ombric and Katherine had received your message explaining what you'd come across and were on their way now. "Also, Nightlight is beating up Kothmotith again." All you could do was sigh. Of course he was.

Looking up, you spotted the two going at it again. Nightlight, being a good two inches taller than what was supposed to be your father, had managed to force him up against a rock and was giving him a good kick. Kozmotis wasn't without his own defenses though. You could see the shadows wrapped around him as well as the black worms of Fearlings creeping up on Nightlight. Trying to at least. Nicholas was bearing down on them, all baby fat and angry Russian insults no five year old should know, successfully keeping them away. You were torn between two different kinds of hatred at the sight. The hatred that even now, even after having the clock turned backwards for him, your father still used those disgusting Fearlings, and the hatred that Nightlight and North both had ganged up on him. They were little kids! Even her father! What in their right minds did they think they were doing!?

You didn't make a sound as you approached them, though Toothiana had stayed back once she saw the expression on your face and was letting out warning 'ooh, they're gonna get it's. Jack and Bunny had stopped bickering and hidden behind a large rock to watch what was about to unfold. Of course they only managed to shut up when something bad was about to happen to another. While North backed off when he noticed you were approaching, Nightlight didn't stop until your shadow loomed over him and by then, it was too late. He turned to stare up at you for a few moments before absconding away from Pitch. Pitch in the meanwhile, sniffled and latched onto you as though you were his savior. If only he remembered just who you were. While you were furious at them, Nightlight and North in particular, you couldn't be too harsh on them. They were only five and probably didn't understand why they disliked Pitch so much. When you'd first arrived, you'd quickly realized that none of them were aware of who they are or their history with each other. Nightlight fumed silently at the interruption while you made sure Pitch was alright. That immediately disappeared when you turned your glare onto him. He, unlike the little icicle, knew to fear and respect you, and you better believe he did. While he didn't actually apologize verbally, his body language made things very clear that he regretted what he'd done. You didn't make him apologize either. You weren't even sure if the boy could talk.

"Nicholas. Nightlight. What did I say?" You stood up, looming over them at full heigh, which was a fair distance since they were child sized and you were tall to begin with. The two boys stared at their feet, too ashamed to meet your eyes.

"Be nice to Pitch?" North tried. It was obvious that he hadn't payed attention the last time you'd caught him and was making something up. You turned your steeling glare on Nightlight. Naturally, the spectral boy stayed silent, simply shuffling his feet in response. You were going to turn them into child sized french fries.

"I said no hitting." They flinched at your tone and you leaned down so you were at eye level. Still, they didn't look at you. You weren't a screamer and that made things that much worse for them. You used this to your advantage and lowered your voice to a dangerous whisper. "If I see either of you hitting anyone again, I'm going to put you in time out until your fifty." This wasn't much of a threat for some but for North and Nightlight both, the idea of having to stay still for any amount of time may as well have meant the world was ending. The two boys exchanged terrified glances and immediately began apologizing in their own way. After they'd been at it for several minutes you let them go. You stood up as they ran off. Kozmotis, who was still attached to your skirt, sent out a single Fearling. The little thing was fast and before you'd even realized what he'd done, it was halfway to Nightlight. A flash of lightning shot down and destroyed it before got a centimeter further. The light show successfully drew the attention of all the children, who stared for a long awkward moment before returning to their play. You turned on Kozmotis.

"And I told you no more Fearlings." If your voice was cold when addressing Nightlight and North, now it was sub-zero. Pitch ducked his black head and sniffled, obviously trying to win sympathies. It wasn't going to work and it didn't take him long at all to figure that out.

"I'm sowwy Emmy Jane." He stared up at you with huge pale gold eyes and wiped away a tear. Of all of them, he was the only one who didn't refer to you as 'Mother' or 'Mama'. Not by his choosing. You absolutely refused to allow him to call you that. It was just too weird. You didn't say anything, simply giving him a scornful glare. You knew you were being much harsher on him than anyone else but you couldn't help it. You still harbored some serious hatred for him and this whole situation just made things stranger. You were saved having to do anything else as a loud honking noise pulled your attention from them. A huge white goose came swooping down out of the sky, a stark contrast from the still dark sky. At last, Katherine was here. You were going to call together the children but they did that for you. As soon as they'd spotted the goose, they'd grouped together close to where they though it would touch down. With the exception of Kozmotis and Sandman, the darker boy trailing behind you as you went to go wake the other. Nightlight actually shot into the air to greet them before they even touched the ground. You had to give him credit. He managed to hold onto his oversized staff much better than Jack did and successfully did not stab the goose nor the girl with that diamond knife of his. You were just glad that you were finally getting rid of the little devils.

The woman who climbed off the back of Kailash was immediately swamped by the children, nearly falling over from their eagerness. They gathered around her as she made her way towards you, undoubtable to get Sandy who was hanging around your neck like a koala bear. You were glad the laws of gravity didn't apply to him as they did to everyone else. Katherine seemed extremely amused by this and, even though you'd never had the greatest of past, she simply couldn't help but laugh. You didn't share the sentiment. Detaching the groggy little boy from around your neck, you handed him over to her, glad that he went silently. Sanderson could be very stubborn when he wanted to.

"I'll take them back to Santoff Claussen. But, I can't take Pitch with us." She said between her giggling. Of course not. Though, you had hope she would have done something with him. Mother Goose gave you an apologetic look before climbing back aboard her bird with the child Guardians and flying away. With the others gone, that left you and Pitch. Oh joy. The little boy at your side gave you a long look.

"What now Emmy Jane?" You didn't reply to his question. Instead, you grabbed his hand and tugged him along after you as you walked into the clouds. It would seem that this little adventure of yours was not quite over yet.


End file.
